Lust

Click.

Do you all remember the girl who didn't believe in love, romance, and fate? Or that great line "sure it may exist, just not for me"?

moment of silence for her passing.

I know, I know, a little ridiculous that the oh so cynical me would trade in her spots for some dreamy thoughts, but I have. The most depressing thing is this whole change came along with the most recent greys anatomy, where grey died. Going to tell it like it is... I absolutely teared a little in the last scene where Izzie and Danny pass in the hall... Oh my god, I have become a sap.

I suppose the realization is also in part from the fact that I don't like sleeping alone, so with missing Jaime and sleeping with Tyson (oh that was bad news) I am just melancholy.

In any case I now know that I want love, regardless of wether it is out there or not. Guess I am ready for the relationship game... oh, but am I ever terrified.

god love me, help me and hold me, until I am ready to allow someone else to

Stress

It seems since the day you are born you are told "one day this will all make sense" Whether it was learning you numbers, ABC's or the finer points of Chaucer, we are led to believe in the mythical day when things will click. And why not? The evidence is there, I can count, read and write. In times many things did seem to in fact make sense.

Unfortunately not everything does. There isn't any day out there when things will just click. Right now I am more stressed then ever about school. I have slacked off and now I am beginning to reap the repercussions. Papers are due and I have no time to write them, exams are coming up and suddenly I realize that I don't know a damn thing.

When did life stop being so easy? When did it happen that you have to try and the path was just there evident? And when exactly may I ask did doing the right thing become so subjective?

Tangent, but who cares. I am wondering when it was suddenly a question of doing right by yourself or doing right by another and when did the two become so mutually exclusive? The good of the individual is not reflective of the good of the whole, simply look at globalization. And don't give me that bullshit of the whole being made up of individuals. Some of those individuals are king shit of turd hill. Some are dung beetles and bacteria (they do quite well here) and the rest are the individuals who have to walk around with the stench in the air and just deal with it until they become used to the smell.

But back to the main topic at hand here.

Life isn't easy, but nor is it a race. Rather it is a tedious chore that like cleaning your room has to take alot of pressure from a superior or a bit of self determination on your part to even simply commence, let alone finish.

What do I want to do when I grow up? What do I want to be? And more importantly what the fuck do I want to do and be right at this moment. Where is all this leading and just how deep a hole have I exactly dug myself into? I suppose we have until September to know the answer to that one, but at this moment it is looking like there will be no return of Caitlin, the procrastinator at large.

Love

It's Valentines day! A day of Cinnamon kisses, chocolate wishes, and construction paper hearts that still mean more then Hallmark, despite their best attempts. Today people profess their love for their significant other (Or giddily dance around the three famous words), get drunk with the boys, or watch Audrey Hepburn in Funnyface through mascara tinted tears, depending on your current relationship situation.

Now Valentine's day, like any other event promoting happiness, has it's harpers of badwill. Like an overstuffed closet, it doesn't take much prodding for a flood of valentine dissenters to come pouring out, efficiently burying you in shoes, groans, and mumbled negativity. And for what reason? Can anyone truly have anything against a day that simply commemorates love, romance, and relationships? Of course not!

But they can dislike the one day of the year where it is more obvious then ever they still haven't found 'the one' without any qualms.

Do what I do! Just because you haven't found it yet doesn't mean you never will! If you truly believe you never will find that 'other half', well I suggest 1L of Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia to help you come to terms with that. Me? I am grabbing some valentines for my other single gal-pals, some cheesy, feel-good-so-sappy-romantic-it-hurts movies, and a tub of those Cinnamon hearts (can't get enough!) and plunking down to enjoy it. God knows I am not the first girl single on this fateful day and I won't be the last. Why feel alone when there are obviously so many of us?

Song: My only one by the Plain White T's

Saying: If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Happy Valentines Day!

~Love The Girl

Astonishment

Wow, this is exactly what I am talking about. Right now. Damn, you lose, and that really really is sad, well better to know early in the game eh?

Oh shit, I just lost the game.

Well now that is out of the way, I am brought to a new point of distress. Just now, on Pandora, I was looking for Tchaikovsky... and it had nothing. I found this extremely troubling, but I looked for Mozart instead, figuring ballet compositions might not be in high priority. Again there was nothing. Tchaikovsky I can try to wrap my head around, but Mozart? Mozart isn't on the 'world largest music database genome project'?

wtf

mate.

Seriously, I am about ready to cry for the world

By the way Tchaikovsky(pronounced cha-koff-ski) was a classical Russian composer/ conductor who created many beautiful pieces, either as stand-alone pieces, ballet compositions, a-Capella vocal choruses or Operas

Song: Swan lake by Tchaikovsky

Saying: Applause that comes thundering with such force you might think the audience merely suffers the music as an excuse for its ovations.

Anger

So I'm angry... doesn't show very often (though I am often angry) but its true.
Oh, will the teen angst never end!

So this is my new and improved blog... well new anyways. The last one was deleted for my own sanity, and this one... well it was created for my sanity. Some of these things you just cannot say aloud!

So anger...
well the easiest one is at myself for my disorganization and spending habits. I am the kind of girl who enjoys her books, movies, music, parties, coffee, and shoes. I am also the kind of girl who likes to indulge all of my whims, so with starbucks, leather ankle boots, many a dance nights, films, and 100 dollars apeice on music and books.... I am looking at a simpler lifestyle for awhile.

At least I am caffeinated enough to be pumped, stylish enough in my new boots and dress, and listening to good tunes while reading one of my many new books.

So I am frivolous and indulgent and I just hope it doesnt come back to haunt me!

My only chance is that certain confidences have sealed lips.

Next angry at people who won't be who they say they are. Makes me want to yell at you, or just follow suit and avoid you. Bastards. I will also follow suit and lie to you, but even though life is not a game, it is a test. Your failing this portion of it. Do what you say you will! Be who you say you are! I am sure the radio has insured that everyone has been aquainted with a certain song by the numero uno diva of all time, Madonna, Right? Well your not half the man you think you are. Or perhaps I am simply bitter you never fought for me, or even with me. I deserved your anger in the very least. Hell I would have preferred it from this unfeeling, unyeilding, viscous, vicous cold front. Or maybe it is simply "fuck you" and time for me to grow up and stop needing you.

Now look what you have gone and made me do. And after I had tried ever so hard to refrain from the mascara smeared postings! Ah well, cannot fight nature now can you?

Now, in my time, I am going to go make some cookies, then start on my political science paper... ohhh joy.

So in being the total trend whore that I am, I will conclude each post with a song, and a saying. Not a bad thing to start I suppose

Song: Discotech by Young love.

Saying: So were youth, when did that become the excuse?