Stress

It seems since the day you are born you are told "one day this will all make sense" Whether it was learning you numbers, ABC's or the finer points of Chaucer, we are led to believe in the mythical day when things will click. And why not? The evidence is there, I can count, read and write. In times many things did seem to in fact make sense.

Unfortunately not everything does. There isn't any day out there when things will just click. Right now I am more stressed then ever about school. I have slacked off and now I am beginning to reap the repercussions. Papers are due and I have no time to write them, exams are coming up and suddenly I realize that I don't know a damn thing.

When did life stop being so easy? When did it happen that you have to try and the path was just there evident? And when exactly may I ask did doing the right thing become so subjective?

Tangent, but who cares. I am wondering when it was suddenly a question of doing right by yourself or doing right by another and when did the two become so mutually exclusive? The good of the individual is not reflective of the good of the whole, simply look at globalization. And don't give me that bullshit of the whole being made up of individuals. Some of those individuals are king shit of turd hill. Some are dung beetles and bacteria (they do quite well here) and the rest are the individuals who have to walk around with the stench in the air and just deal with it until they become used to the smell.

But back to the main topic at hand here.

Life isn't easy, but nor is it a race. Rather it is a tedious chore that like cleaning your room has to take alot of pressure from a superior or a bit of self determination on your part to even simply commence, let alone finish.

What do I want to do when I grow up? What do I want to be? And more importantly what the fuck do I want to do and be right at this moment. Where is all this leading and just how deep a hole have I exactly dug myself into? I suppose we have until September to know the answer to that one, but at this moment it is looking like there will be no return of Caitlin, the procrastinator at large.